When people assure us that, "You don't have to be afraid," they subtly imply that fear is shameful. From childhood up, we’ve all heard these messages—leading us to avoid the creepy descent into the fearful feelings that are nature's only fear medicine.
Psychologists call it "counter-phobic" to engage in risky behavior to demonstrate courage. On a group tour to Tunisia, a woman friend and I decided to drive off to explore a scenic region, congratulating ourselves on our adventureousness. That was before the ninety mile an hour road chase in a deserted rural area with a carful of screaming men racing to catch up with us.
"We don't have to put on courage like a tough protective armor," Pema told the group. Deeply feeling fear is the way to become spiritual warriors.
Myth # 2: Avoid fear to feel safe We fear loss of love, health, home, cognizance, money, power, control. Abuse, physical danger, disease, injury, and death.In childhood, we skulk away from the bully, strange people in cars, fringe neighborhoods, rollercoaster rides. As adults, we avoid horror films, foreigners, the news, and contagious germs.Seeking safety at all costs has pitfalls:
- We fail to grow, winding up bland, bored, addicted, and/or stuck--and yes, even overweight or obese as we stuff down our feelings with bland "comfort" foods
- We project our fear onto outside things or people, giving them power to not only scare us but to turn our lives, and our country into a padded prison, (even a cushy one) surrounded by barbed wire.
If we cannot run towards fear to assert our bravery, or run away to avoid what scares us, how can we deal with fear? According to Pema Chodron, it’s best to stand our ground and be with our fear. Just that is the basis of fearlessness.
In the retreat, we practiced checking in to experience fear right there and then. Making this a regular practice has an astonishing effect, exactly as Pema predicted, "When you learn to be with your fear, you become an authentic friend to yourself, and thereby develop confidence." Confidence? No, it's not that you will encounter a germ-free world, access the strongest drugs, or hold the secret to love, fame and fortune. The confidence is that you will be there for yourself always, come what may. For news, insight, and action, get the free Health Outlook ezine at www.health-journalist.com
